There’s a series where the main character is a former superhero bounty hunter in an urban fantasy setting in Canada — think our world but with vampires, werewolves, superheroes, etc. The “Hamilton Hurricane” has elemental control over air and electricity.
I've had a few jokes go though my head since the most recent book came out... that needed to be turned into bad fan fiction. My friends and I use the phrase, "you always hurt the ones you love, let me love you..."
With that, I bring you...
“A Bounty of Dad Jokes”
My first thought was "where am I?" My second thought was "I feel really good. That's strange."
The last thing I remember, I was answering a call about a break-in at KN Laboratories — it was the third break-in in less than a week and given the nature of the break-ins, it seemed to be some sort of "Enhanced Individual." I had just landed and only saw one person. A male, mid-forties, maybe 5'8", a few pounds overweight, wearing jeans, a polo shirt, and cross-trainers. I was about to ask him if he had seen anything, then I noticed his aura. Probably eight inches and a mix of rainbow and silver...a mad scientist and a fairly powerful one at that.
Before I had a chance to do anything, he smiled, pointed a strange looking device at me, and said, "don't let the bed bugs bite."
Next thing I knew, I woke up feeling surprisingly rested. And the soreness and bruises from Blue's last "training session" seemed to be all gone.
Looking around the room I saw the twin bed I was currently laying on, some sports posters and one of some busty blonde running in a bikini, all thumbtacked to the wall, a desk, a lamp, some old sports equipment... your generic 1980s teenage boy bedroom. Oh, and a large picture window that looked into what appeared to be a scientist's laboratory.
I wasn't sure what was happening, but I didn't see it ending well.
And there on the other side of the glass was said mad scientist.
"Ah, Mr. Hurricane, you're awake. It's great to meet you! I'm Dr Dad. No period after the Dr, just like Dr Pepper. Getting lots of rest is important. It really helps keep your body in tip-top shape. Especially when you're a hero and out there fighting those villains."
"Why am I here?"
"Well, that's one of the great philosophical questions, isn't it? If you mean, why are you here in this room at this moment, it's because I hit you with my curfew ray."
"Seriously?"
"I'm very proud of it. You get 8 hours of great sleep and wake up feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day. I use it on myself some nights."
Definitely a mad scientist.
I wasn't sure what was up with this guy, but sometimes it's best to humor them.
"That's impressive. So how about you let me out, we have a good healthy breakfast and talk about it?"
"I'm afraid I can't, Tiger, you're a great guy and I know your mom would have been proud of you and all you've accomplished, but I can't have you getting in the way."
"I don't see you stopping me" as I started pulling power to blow out the window.
"You're more than welcome to try, but you are the Hamilton Hurricane and I always do my homework. Not to take the wind out of your sails, but the walls are lined with nano-fans that will counteract any attempt to use your air abilities. And the entire room is basically a Faraday cage and it's wired to the bedrock underneath us so your electrical abilities are useless. You're not going anywhere... in fact you could even say you were grounded."
Not only am I trapped, I'm being tortured with dad jokes.
"Why are you stealing from these different labs?"
"I'm working on a few things, but right now I'm working on a much larger version of my curfew ray. Imagine how much better everything would be if we all got a good 8 hours of sleep every night?"
"What is it with you mad scientists and your crazy inventions?"
"Oh Sport, I'm not mad, just really disappointed. I thought you would understand..."
The story also led to a tee-shirt design:
Read the books
The Hamilton Hurricane and The Bounty Series were created by Markus Matthews.